A chance to feel human again

I was not looking forward to visiting my parents in the US. On one visit my father had tried to hit me in anger ⏤ a 70+ year old man trying to hit his 40+ year-old son. Old habits die hard. I deflected the blow, and it didn't earn him any respect. My attitude towards my mother has softened; her image evolving into someone trapped in a 1950's role who was not mentally up for the challenge of raising three boys (and finally, a girl). But I always felt my father had less excuse for taking frustrations out on his children. He was upholding tradition.

Until my late 20's, I was convinced that parents who helped their children with homework were spoiling them; not preparing them for the real world where no one would hold your hand. Ours was definitely a "spare the rod, spoil the child" family. Working class tough. My siblings seem to have less anger. I'm not sure if they were less targeted; there were occasions when we would watch one being belted while dreadfully awaiting our turn. Other times I can remember our father explicitly saying "You want to know what's fair?" as he hit each one of us "that's fair."

My anger towards my parents extends to unjust authoritarians and those who rely on violence and intimidation for power. So with the ascension of Trump, I was not looking forward to visiting the belly of the beast. I knew my parents were having health problems, and my wife pushed the visit.

My father is now frail enough that he does not waste his energy arguing. His condition is partly due to mistrust of doctors; his stubbornness regarding his own sometimes internet-based theories on treatment; and sometimes covering up the fact that he accidentally dropped his medication on the floor and couldn't find it or was worried if he bent down he wouldn't be able to get back up. He has refused treatment that would extend his life. At one point I saw him pale and shaking and thought he could die within hours. Finally. The beast no longer has fangs. Yes, I had sympathy, as I would have for anyone who is looking death so closely in the eye. A weight was partially lifted, but circumstances of the end remain hanging. Will it be an automobile accident where my mother is taken with him? I leave some of these issues to my siblings; distant partners in familial resolution.

Seeing my father pale and shaking helped reframe him as human rather than monster. And being in the United States was refreshing, after reading and watching so much news about the stumbling giant supposedly in need of being great again. I remarked to a friend in San Francisco, "It's good to see; seems everyone is getting on with their lives." His reply, "Well, there is so much structure that remains in place and can continue on autopilot as the foundation is destroyed from beneath." Outsiders forget what a huge, diverse population exists within the borders of that section of the New World. Some Australians even lump two continents together as "America" though they reserve nationalist scorn or sibling rivalry for the 50 states that are united.

The truth is Americans are getting on with their lives because they have little choice; unlike my life in Australia, which seems to be on perpetual hold. First I was not a permanent resident; now I am still not a citizen. But none of that matters because the Australian workforce seems to have no use for me at age 57, and my encounter with an educational institution was brutal - administration insisted on calling me a liar for what I insisted on calling authoritarian incompetence. I had too much pride - not yet sufficiently humbled as all immigrants should be. Now I am humbled, feeling old and useless to Australia. Sure, I'm an adequate; not exemplary househusband. Washing clothes and dishes isn't beneath me, but there are no children to take care of and... welcome to the world of unpaid and under-appreciated value.

One of the more wonderful moments? Visiting my old workplace. Five years after leaving, I was still greeted warmly and given hugs. I am human after all; I have a history and was a productive member of society! Since leaving that workplace I have encountered two situations where I was treated with suspicion and felt scapegoated. These experiences have made me wonder if I'm getting too old. In the United States, I would be in the prime of my career. The joys of privilege; the hazards of being an immigrant.

St. Patrick's Day with the team :-)

Laws are for suckers

Members of the Australian Parliament have recently demonstrated the degree of attention and respect paid to the law by its ruling elite. It seems quite a few are not actually eligible to be members of Parliament due to having dual citizenship.

Meanwhile, I've been in this country for five years and every time I turn around I am asked to procure another certificate for this or that from various agencies to prove that I am not a criminal. I once tried to volunteer for a position and was told I would need a new certificate proving I had a clean police record - a certificate I had already provided. "This certificate expires in May and since the volunteer position runs until the end of the year, you'll need a new certificate." Clearly I am not going about this the right way.

To be fair, the law was poorly written. A bit of digging reveals that the ten wealthiest members of Parliament could very easily purchase citizenship in a number of other countries. And the law says "under any acknowledgement of allegiance, obedience, or adherence to a foreign power, or is a subject or a citizen or entitled to the rights or privileges of a subject or a citizen of a foreign power." So technically, they are probably "entitled to the rights or privileges of a subject or a citizen of a foreign power" whether or not they would choose to purchase those rights.

See my comments on this page: How a dual citizenship row ensnared Australian MPs and caused headaches for PM Turnbull

Rotting. Fifteen kilometers from the beach.

I used to have a lot of ideas about what I would do if I had all the time in the world. I even got a job where I could work 4 days a week and still have enough money to live on. But the job was rewarding, and I ended up not doing much in my 3 days off other than exploring (San Francisco Bay Area / California - so much to see!) Prior to getting that job, I was trying to start an internet-related company. I kept thinking I needed to learn a new programming language, and kept trying to learn more, but never actually got to a point where I felt I could do much with it. Oh sure, when the internet was first taking off, things didn't have to look slick. But then so many companies hired graphic designers, and from that point your site needed to be pretty slick or people wouldn't trust it. Now a lot of sites are filled with garbage because it's all about maximizing ad revenue.

One of the (full time) jobs I had was writing grant proposals for a non-profit. I did pretty well. But when the notion of doing that freelance came up, I just didn't have the heart for it. Because here's how professionals in that line work... First, you have to not really care whether the nonprofit is legit or a scam. Most of the legit nonprofits have in-house people to write their grant proposals, and they're doing ok. It's the ones that are struggling that need an outsider. So if they're legit and struggling - you feel bad charging them a high fee. But your time is worth the money, because they'll potentially get money. If they're not legit, you don't really want to work for them. But if you're freelance, you're a mercenary - you do it for whomever. And no one does it on a contingency fee - meaning - if you get money, I'll take a cut of it; that's a risky proposal. So the people doing it professional charge up front (usually pretty decent money).

I had a stretch off without work and was supported by my partner (though after we broke up she asked me for a chunk of money to cover her expenses). I wrote two novels - but they're crap. The first one I just needed to get all the autobiographical stuff out of my system - so it wasn't really a novel, it was mostly autobiographical. Portions of it are pretty good though - a friend of mine read the ending at an open mic night. The ending wasn't true, but it was gripping. The second was a real novel; it was futuristic, and though that was 20 years ago, it's still a potential futuristic reality. I didn't market it much because there are elements where I wanted to be anonymous as the author. I wouldn't call it fantastic - it's hard to judge your own work.

When I worked my day job, I also wrote technical manuals for them. I could potentially do that. But I quit the job and moved to Australia. The society over here seems more closed off to me. Where there were lots of jobs I could do in the US and lots of things I could see needed doing - here I don't have that sense at all. Society functions better here (for the most part), but it's also more boring and fewer opportunities. And based on some bad experiences, I feel like no one here wants to acknowledge that an American might be competent or know something - they copy a lot of stuff from the US, but then want to pretend that Australia is the greatest place on earth. In the US I've worked lots of odd office jobs - here an agency said they wouldn't even put me in an office job because I'm not an "office specialist". wth? I was an office manager in the US! They have a technical school certificate for everything. If you don't have a certificate, a lot of people have no concept that you might be able to handle something.

Someone said I should write a book about how I ended up in Australia; meeting my wife and making that decision. I finally started tapping the keys on that project. I'm trying to learn JAVA (to build some apps). I'm trying to learn to play the piano better (just for self-satisfaction). I have a bad habit of procrastinating on my own goals - I'm much better about helping other people or getting assigned projects done. That's why I'm writing this instead of studying the JAVA book. It's sad.

note: I've reached an age where I'm a little too young to retire, but I'm also too old to put up with a lot of bullshit and start over from the bottom. So I took my pension early - which isn't much money - and my wife is supporting me. I went back to the US and worked for six months, but that workplace had a lot of problems and high turnover, and after six months I came back to Australia to be with my wife.

Rowing?

Of great disappointment to me in Sydney - I have yet to find a rowing club that offers similar opportunities as the Dolphin Club / South End Club in San Francisco. Both of these clubs had membership that was less expensive than a gym membership, and once oriented (a free class over several weekends - separate class for shells), you could use the boats sunrise to sunset with the western boundary being the Golden Gate Bridge.

Mind you, some of the old-timers at the Dolphin Club could be clubby and you might spend years before they'd recognize you as a member and not look at you suspiciously like someone who snuck in to pilfer from the lockers.

Meanwhile of the clubs in Sydney... Some are only interested in top-level athletes. Some are mostly interested in being waterfront restaurants and the boats are a sad remnant of their former selves. Some are only open on weekends. Some only want team rowing - no beautiful solitude on the water.

http://www.dolphinclub.org/
http://serc.com/

Not about learning

Why do many universities continue to build lecture halls? Because lecturing students is the way to extract the most money with the least investment of staff time. Many institutions are about credentials not competence. Buildings and professors are separate budgets and the priority isn't learning, it's maintaining the cash flow.

By the way, I haven't listened to this podcast yet, but I've spent way too much time (and money) in lecture halls.

The College Lecture? Nobel Laureate Gives it a Failing Grade

Tiny economy, barely a nation held hostage by tycoons

Australia's recent gas crisis, real or imagined, is another example of how Australia is barely a nation and being held hostage by the tycoons who are busy negotiating for and selling off its assets. There's a grand film I've watched a couple of times called Australia (2008, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman) where a WWII cattle baron is buying up all competitors by hook or crook. Of course beautiful Nicole Kidman and her handsome cattle drover Hugh Jackman are the underdogs fighting injustice and saving the day by spoiling the cattle baron's plan to charge premium prices for cattle to feed WWII troops. The underdogs are also not racist, while the evil cattle baron denies his own illegitimate rape-fathered son (SPOILER ALERT). And so... the gas companies.

If the tycoons are to be believed, the gas problem is all because New South Wales and South Australia are squeamish and have put the throttle on fracking (locally referred to as coal seam gas). This points up another barely-a-nation aspect of Australia - is there a national energy policy or do individual states decide whether the free market, hostage-taking, or government fiat prevails? In the US, the current power swing is supposedly back to states' rights (except where it suits business interests), with some states desiring a return to slavery.

Never mind that rivers and tap water are catching on fire from fracking gone awry (if the environmentalists are to be believed). So why shouldn't Queensland be allowed to honour its low price contracts to Japan, while Japan is getting the gas so cheap it's oversupplied and re-selling the gas at a profit, while NSW and SA are paying much more for gas in a so-called shortage? And THIS: The government has also promised key crossbench senator Nick Xenophon it would fund a feasibility study into building a new gas pipeline between the Northern Territory and South Australia. Because... well ok, gas supply is as important in today's economy as hospitals (infrastructure). Yet NSW says it can't afford to build hospitals, so it's allowing private (mostly British) companies to do it with a guaranteed profit contract? But building hospitals is state business (making deals with British companies?) while a cross-nation pipeline (when these areas already have gas underground?) would be national business (though supposedly needed because of a cross-state spat over selling off local assets?)

Malcolm Turnbull has proposed that I need an extra four years to fully understand Australian values before citizenship might be granted. Yes - loudmouth, obnoxious American. I'm originally from Mike Pense country (Indiana), where citizens are encouraged to imagine that the business of government is just too complicated - leave it to the experts. But I spent a lot of time in California, where ballot measures meddle in all aspects of government. The Australian values of which Malcolm Turnbull speaks are more in the Donald Trump and Mike Pense vein - keep your mouth shut and don't question the ruling elite - and you'll get along just fine. Oh - and you need to dress, act, and speak like a proper Australian - or get out. And as for how much you pay for goods and services? Don't ask; just pay. Welcome to the Southern White House.

Australia's Broken Nursing Education

From the article: "It's just unconscionable that the university is taking these peoples' money and making them pay for a course and they're not getting the proper placement experience," she said. "Some of our students are single mothers or are working and they're organising their lives to go on placement." While the attached article seems to be a hit piece on University of Newcastle and an advertisement for University of Technology, Sydney - the truth is that both schools have the same problem: hospitals are not properly incentivised to train university students in a way that complements their coursework.

At University of Technology, Sydney, clinical placement facilitators have a huge variation in quality - from experienced professors to temporary contract employees hired at the last minute. Some students assigned to paediatric nursing rotations are sent to child day care centers rather than medical facilities since there are insufficient positions available. Students without an Australian accent are subject to abuse by the less professional facilitators. Students are assigned to follow staff nurses who have not been allocated time for training students.

Legally, students are only supposed to perform tasks involving patients when they are being directly supervised. However, students are routinely expected to perform checks of patient vital signs and wash patients without supervision since these are basic skills taught in the first semester. Since the law is routinely broken, the situation should be acknowledged and the law changed or the law should be enforced and programs and attitudes changed. More importantly, clinical experiences should be acknowledged as a vital component of training. There should be better integration with curriculum as well as adjustments to the budget and staffing of teaching hospitals.

Reference article: University of Newcastle nursing school still in turmoil due to placement shortfall and an exodus to UTS.

Miss SF

As the friend living in Seattle who posted this said, "I miss about 500 of these things.

Things I miss about San Francisco

Independent thinkers?

For whatever reason, I felt more at home while visiting New Zealand than living in Australia; subtle cultural differences that may parallel this discussion of northern Japan. Of course, some of that could be related to being just a visitor rather than spending an extended amount of time as an immigrant. I might add that my thinking tends to be more wholistic and collective than that of the typical American; however, I also feel a fair amount of hypocrisy and paternalism in Australia's pandering to collectivism.
---the vast majority of psychological subjects had been “western, educated, industrialised, rich and democratic”, or ‘Weird’ for short---
How East and West think in profoundly different ways