Slow boat to China

Dear N -

I sent a package to your office.

The postal outlets here are franchises - it's a little odd because if you have a letter, they sell you a stamp and then you have to walk up the block and put it in the mailbox. But if you have a package, they send it from there. I have no idea why they just don't take the letters as well; maybe different guys come and get the letters in a bag, vs packages the guy probably has to come with a dolly and truck.

Anyway, the guy who runs our local postal outlet in Dulwich Hill is a cranky old Greek guy. He's never friendly, and whenever you step up to the counter, he acts like you're interrupting him from whatever he was doing.

I had to sort out how to send this package, which was not an easy process dealing with this guy, and basically I finally just gave up and said fine - send it first class. I thought that would make it easy (and the price wasn't *too* much different) - but no, there was still another stupid option - he had two forms - one let you track the package online; the other sent you a notice when the package was delivered. Aie. Let me track it online. Of course, he acted like that was the option that was more trouble for him.

The MAIN two options are first class and "slow boat to China". Almost literally. I sent M something "slow boat". It took TWO MONTHS to get to New York. I thought the guy had said up to a month, but this time the postman said 30-90 days; three months potentially. I didn't really care about M's package - or about yours - if it took three months, the big question is is it still en route or has it dropped into the ocean off of the slow boat??

So I asked the old Greek guy if I could get *tracking* on the slow boat option. Yes, but the tracking bumped the price almost up to first class - so if you're paying that much money, why not just go a little more and make it 3-10 days instead of 30-90 days?! Oh, and there was some part in there I didn't understand about insurance. Apparently, the basic slow boat option provides no insurance that your package won't go in the drink, but if you want to know where your package is during that 90 days, you have to buy insurance that someone won't throw it in the drink. Seems like extortion.

Of course, the way the old Greek guy is explaining everything makes it twice as complicated. Every time I asked a question, he would have to think, and stare at his computer; *maybe* tap the keyboard once or twice, but mostly stare with a painful look on his face, as if I had asked to borrow one of his kidneys for just a few seconds, and he would actually consider loaning it to me.

So you will get this package in 3-10 days, via airplane, which hopefully makes it less likely to fall in the water. What's in the package? Of course, that has to be a surprise, but think of the old Greek postman when you open it. "How much is it worth?" he asks.

"It's handmade - priceless," I replied.

He was not amused.